Barricade

Reserving my ambitions,
I wander through the empty market streets.
Sit with people I don’t know 
Spend my time in places I don’t understand 
Without you
There won’t be excitement 
Wading through a convoluted dream 
Fall in love, then chip away at conscience,
Watch the piercing pleasure fade away.
And when we bleed through shattered pieces
We tear our memories abashedly apart 
And give our melodies away 

When after juvenile fancy 
We become equipped to feel what we deserve 
There is a moment of elation
Screaming through an evanescent waste land 
Desolate, abandoned, wholly unpreserved.

A great expense of reason and a futile use of time 

I asked the bluebird perching on the tree 
Where to find my happiness incarnate
The bluebird paused and then remembered, 
Black eyes lost in the aurora, 
That the morning beckoned winter 
Snow had blanketed the jocund prairies 
Darkness set across the sun 

My forehead crossed itself with wrinkles 
I found a grey hair sprouting from my head 
When I get up I’m always dizzy 
Fainting from a separate love affair 
I know the axles of unworthiness 
Are brought together by a vacant 
Memory and a brutal rape of time 

When I found you my worries went away 
The bluebird thought to sing a different song 
I saw the sunshine’s blessing through its rays
I understood why they’d all said to wait 
My tantrums turned to tender moments 
My fingers melted through your hand
And when each morning you would 
Hold me as we slept 
I wept unfathomable tears

We used to talk for hours every evening 
You used to run towards the phone 
We used to smile just for each other 
You used to think perfection crafted me alone 

When I latch onto convalescent promise
I cry myself to sleep bemused 
When I remember how it was 
When you were scared I could be with another 
I wipe the tears from underneath my eyes
But goddamn they just keep pouring 

One day 
One day you will remember 
How I cried myself to sleep 
And then one day I might just wonder 
Why you kept us at a distance 
One day I’ll will myself to wake up to my greatest fear
Until then I’ll be here hoping 
Wandering Manhattan city streets 
But fruitlessly 
One day I might be forced to think 
How you might not belong with me 

But when I run towards the river screaming 
Bridling euphoria and joy
I’ll look up to that sunshine seething 
I’ll ask someone to show me hope 
I’ll manufacture miracles 
I’ll find a way to stymie ruthless time 
I’ll rearrange the world’s expectations 
I’ll hearken back to ancient divinations
I’ll tell you…

I always thought that I was made for you

One day you won’t be scared
We’ll find ourselves content together 
And you will think of all the days 
You held me when we laughed together
But maybe, in a distant crevice of my fancy,
I could believe that it was true 
Maybe dreams could fabricate my greatest wonder 
Until then I won’t stop feeling
Maybe you were made just for me too.